My mind is hell.

I hate myself so much for being alive even for a second.

I spend my days wondering if I even need to be here, anyway.

My nights are the worst, I hear voices and see faces of hatred.

What to hold on to now?

With no one by my side, I have to be strong by myself.

But I wake up anyway,

Believing another lie anyway,

Searching for serenity anyway,

Until I meet another night where I lay down facing the ceiling,

Wondering why this bothers me so much,

Whispering myself, "I love you",

And go back to another corner of my mind.

And continue the same ritual again and again,

The next morning.

May 12, 2021.